When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
