I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
