May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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