please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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