Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
