walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
