its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
mondays should just be called national damage control day
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i've created a new STD.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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