Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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