I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
