Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
