I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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