i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
