Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize