im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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