I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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