I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?