Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.