nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore