thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize