she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
