apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
