fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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