Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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