The maid of honor just puked.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
