Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
