sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
