dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
