The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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