Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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