His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
