Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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