My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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