She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
