Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
