she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
