soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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