either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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