so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
