first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
