Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
