if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
