I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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