Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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