we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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