ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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