They should really pass out barf bags in church
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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