Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
