I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
