dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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