people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
