Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
