Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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