He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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