I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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