Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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