Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
