I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
